All Caught Up

B"H! After missing 1 class in three courses and 1 classes in another course, I'm all caught up in homework , exams, and assignments. I was actually very proud of myself! I studied for my french test (that was on monday) on wed. morning, saturday night, sunday night, and monday morning! Since Rosh Hashana was on wed night-friday night. and shabbat was friday night- saturday night, this was a big accomplishment, and the good grade reaped the fruits! B"H!.

Additionally, i successfully completed all math assignments (due today) and the one that's dure on thurday. Furthermore, I've gotten notes from my missed geology and math. Lastly, my computers quiz went very well today, i hope.

All in all, HaShem helped me for fulfilling His mitzvout! We'll see how i do with succout, i'm sure it will be fine as well :D

Thanks for your patience in my late posting. I hope that everyone else is having a great day as well!

Wow i haven't posted for two weeks

I'm really sorry that i've been neglecting this blog for the past two weeks. I've even had ideas about what to post but the time is what i'm lacking right now. even at this moment i should be studying french, or english, or doing my math homework.

But i felt so bad that I hadn't posted in so long, that i wanted to hay hi and apologize. I really will be running around crazy till Oct, so please bare with me.

I hope that everyone is doing well and having bit of time to breathe and reflect. I wish you well. All the best.

First day back

I"m so excited to be back at school learning things. I know that it's only been a month, but i feel happy to be back. I don't know if that's how I'll feel in a few weeks, but right now I do.

I had a great first day of class. Of course, have of my classes ended early, that was awesome, so I had a really chilled day.

The best part is that I only have one class tomorrow, my lab doesn't start till next week.

Yah!

Otherwise, I'm being good and responsible and doing my homework. I"m SURE the work load is going to pick up really quickly, especially since I"m missing so many days for the chagim, so I don't know how often I"ll be able to post later.

All the same, i hope you're doing great! Thanks for stopping by and reading this :D

Hello Everyone

I Just wanted to send a personalized hello. I hope that everyone is doing well. I know that I haven't spoken to a few of you in a LONG time, and I'm sorry. Hopefully this recording of my voice will make up for it :P

Latest Thoughts

B'h, I just came back from my chavrusa. We're touching on elul and yomim norim. The sefarim we learned from tonight are Praying with Fire and Elul (with lightening on the cover).

One of the feelings i left with the shadow of the emotion of heart break that accompanies the guilt of a wrong doing. As in, when one realizes that one's actions were wrong, and that, therefore, one had committed an act AGAINST HaShem, there is usually a feeling of guilt that quickly follows with a heart breaking realization that something must be done to rectify the wrong deed.

This is what i felt tonight.

B"h, i was able to glimpse into yom hadin and actually prepare myself and start the teshuva process. This is what elul is all about, and i think what it's supposed to be. I wanted to convey that experience with all of you in the hopes that i can ignite the same response in you as well. I pray that we'll all be able to properly, at least to some extent, prepare ourselves for the yomei hadin that are fast approaching us, even if we don't go to slichot every morning.

I was reminded tonight that I have done wrong, and, B"H, I am not a malach. I don't know why I have gone through what i have, or why others so close and dear to me have gone through hardships as well.

I don't know why the world turns the way it does, or why our gallus seems to be standing still at the moment, ch's.

I do know that i'm a bat Yisroel and a bat melech. I need to act that way CONSTANTLY and realize that in my human actions i have not only done good.

With this reminder i hope to preform accordingly.

Good night. Kol tov. Thanks for listening.

Sarah Rut

P.S (Picture Source) http://www.oldeducator.com/reminder.gif

The Start of a New Semester

I can't believe I'm starting my second year in college. Last year I was quaking at the thought of going to college and starting a the four year journey of post secondary education. B"H, i can now look back and say that one year has flown by.

With the commencement of another semester brings the rush of excitement for new classes and supplies, as well as the anxious thoughts of homework. And so, i'm looking forward to starting another year of college.

Furthermore, I'm apprehensive about the amount of 'free time' i will have, on account to a five course load of work. I ask for patiences and support as I start the new school year.

Additionally, being that the yomim tovim fall in the second, third and fourth week of September, bleeding into the first week of October, I'll have a lot of school work to make up. Therefore, I'm going to be extra busy during the month of September. Regardless, i'll try to keep posting and updating my thoughts about the chagim and such.

I want to wish everyone in college hatzlacha, and everyone not hatzlacha as well.

Stay in touch. Be well.

ants, continued

Ants

Does anyone know if regular ants can pose a hazard in a house. I don't think they're carpenter ants, just normal ants that have decided to nest in the house... well the basement.

It's coming

http://www.hoshanarabbah.org/images/rosh_chodesh_06.jpg

Rosh chodesh elul is nearly upon us. I'm not ready. Does anyone have advice as to how we can enhance this time of year and allow ourselves to grow? I'd appreciate any feedback. I wish you all well. All the best.
SRS

In the near future

I hope that this message finds you well, and that your fast was meaningful and not to straining. I will be on break for the next week and do not know if i will be able to post until the first full week of August. I want to apologize for this delay. I will try, regardless of my busy schedule, to post my daily thoughts and events. Otherwise, please stay tuned, have a great rest of Av and we should all be zochei to proper teshuva and messiach. be well

Sarah Rut

Image source: http://www.wales.nhs.uk/sites3/gallery/681/busy_receptionist.jpg

Tears I Need to Cry

Thoughts on Tisha B'Av

Overview: Book of Lamentations
All Suffering steams from one source
These articles are from Aish.com

I thought that i would share some of my thoughts as i sit on the floor on my tush, which is slowly going numb, as i attempt to attain a level of transformation on this tisha b'av:

There are a few things that come to mind, after haven read the above aritcles. Many of the things that i am about to mention are points that were taught to me at some point and time, which i am not expounding on. I want to apologize that i can not, therefore, cite properly where i heard what from.

• I believe that it is necessary to remind ourselves of the importance of unity. This is an amazing force, one which stood up against the gazera to destroy klall yisroel during the tower of bavel. Instead of destroying us, HaShem scattered us around the globe and gave us different languages to disperse the unity that was used for doing sins. But it was this unity that saved us from complete destruction.

So much more so in our time now. How many names are there for tehillim. These are names of physically, psychologically, and spiritually sick human beings who need help. How much kavana are we really devouting to the lip service that we part take in once a day? Are we thinking about the names of our brothers and sisters as they're listed quickly?

How can we better approach the situation? Why don't we chose ONE name, find out the sickness and a little details, so that we can relate to the person, and really daven for him or her. Really pour out our hearts to their recovery, weather physical or later? We have the koach, we are the children of Avraham, we have the power of dibor, we need to use this power that THINK while we speak.

That leads to number two:

• Lashon hara. I"m afraid that this term has become a often attered, hardly felt, word. Sure, now that it is tisha b'av, we ponder the meanings of our words. But for starters, do we know the halachot of shmirat halashon? Are we trying to constantly review them so that they are clear or common in our minds? How else are we to remember then if we're not constantly bring them to our attention? So what should we do?
  

It would be very benificial for one to look into one of the MANY shmirat halashon books that have been printed by the chafetz chaim heritage foundation. One of which is daily companion. These books are split up into daily lessons, allowing for the short read a day, which continue throughout the year, according to the calendar provided.

It would be in one's best interest to learn this with a chavrusa. This can help to a.) ensure that one is understanding the halacha properly by cross referencing it with the chavursa b.) allow one to help another Jew become proficient in the halachout and c.) increase clarity by unitizing two imaginations over one aspect of shimrat halashon.

• One more thing that came to mind was, the cause and affect of our own actions. The latter aritcle put suffering into a whole new prospective for me. If connected every aspect of pain the the loss of the temple, and the loss of the temple is directly the fault of each and every one of us. This equation struck home and made many questions answerable. To expound on her topic, i want to impress upon ourselves the need for responsibility.
  

This word bares great weight on anyone who is willing to shoulder it. It is a word that encompasses many different actions and thoughts. If one is responsible, then one understands that what they do affects not only themselves but others, and that harm can occur on account of themselves. This is a very hard concept to fully understand and keep in mind at all times. Every action has a reaction, if not many chain reactions. If one ditches work without informing their coworkers and employer(s), then that days shift needs to shouldered by SOMEONE and others need to work harder to keep up the same output in performance and product.So too when someone sins. There is a lacking, a void, that needs to be added equally, if not doubly or triply, to counteract and output the same spiritually that is needed to keep the world at a certain level. We are all responsible, therefore, to keep ourselves in check.

Granted, everyone sins and has set backs on the road upward, it's what is done after such set backs that makes all the difference.

Furthermore, more inline with the article, there would be no suffering if we had the bait hamigdash, for many obvious reasons. a.) would we even have sin? b.) all sad would be turned to happy. This is a wonderful thought, and one which allows us to focus our suffering on the cause and work towards that cause, the rebuilding of the bait hamigdash, for a purpose that's closer to home, our own suffering.

My Trial

Hello Nine Days, how can I use you properly?

It happens to be that this week I've experienced a rude awakening. I've needed to use a lot of personally and social strength to fight against the tide and remain on track. Even with all of these efforts, I'm not sure that success will be my outcome, though i can only hope, pray, and try harder, to see that it will be. Until then, I'd like to share my experience with you, though the details will not be disclosed as it is a personal matter.

I have had a battle of internal struggle, these are think are the most difficult kind. It was one where emotions were pulling and threatening to drown my logic and 'smarts.' It was hard to say that I truly know what to do, and how that decision would continuously affect my future decisions, but that my heart wanted to do what was wrong. I knew in my mind what was best, my intuition told me how i should act, but my heart was giving a dieing battle for what it wanted.

I must stress that the hardship was not only the internal battle but the clarity to which i KNEW what to do and the clarity to which i FELT to do the opposite. And i could see that it was bad, to follow my emotions, and that more struggle might come as a cause of it, but regardless, i was almost willing to lose myself to win my heart.

Thanks to a VERY stubborn friend who sat by me and continuously addressed the real issues, that which my head knew well, i was able, i hope, to keep on track and do what was logically and hashkafically right to do. I must thank her, it could be that through her my 'life' was saved and that much pain was lost. Thank you.

Thank you for not letting me persuade you, as i was myself, and for being the sliach to help my to stay on track :D

Today, as i walked to school, i saw that the year ahead might be more difficult then the one behind. I don't know why, but the things i feared to occur last year are happening now. I hope that they will stop or that i will regain my strength so that i am no longer tried by these issues, and therefore don't notice them anymore.

I now recite my goals to myself and remind myself of why i am here and what i really want to accomplish, i hope that with this i will be able to keep the TRUE goals in mind.

I found it 'lovely' that this test transpired during the Nine Days. I hope that, if this was a test, i won and proved my loyalty, if not then i must try all the more harder for next time.

I wish everyone hatzlacha, may we all emerge as white as snow and pure in heart.

Three Weeks

The time has come.

Am I ready?

Will I ever be ready?

Is there anything I can do

to be ready?

All of these questions are common for Elul.

But it's 'only' Av,

I tell myself.

Why am I so worried then?

Maybe because it's the three weeks and I don'e feel the connection?

I KNOW what time of year it is

and what some of the kochot are.

Yet I don't feel like I'm working hard enough

to produce the proper results.

I'll try harder

I'll ignore the distractions

and I'll focus on the task at hand.

I wish us hatzlacha.

Have a MEANINGFUL

and

PRODUCTIVE

three weeks.

You're on Stage

Imagine if you were an actor, only you had to be yourself instead of acting a different role. Granted, you'd only do things that made you look favorable. Because, after all, you're on stage and everyone can see what your doing, even if the character your playing is YOU.

Now pretend that the audience can hear your thoughts. Then what you would you do? Even in situations, that arouse on stage, that you were uncomfortable with and you therefore attempted to hide your discomfort, the audience would know what was really going on in your head.

So how would you fix this problem? Would you have to change your thoughts all together? Change you perspective so that even your thoughts were good and didn't embarrass you? You'd then need to judge everyone favorably, so that no matter what happens during the play, you see them in a positive light and your thoughts are only good and pure.

Well, it's a good thing that people can't read our minds, because if we were in that position, where is was necessary to watch what we think and how we view others then we'd have a lot of work to do.

Guess what, G-d 'hears' our thoughts. He knows what our true motives are. Now, we're not all garbage, we're upright standing Jews, and if you're reading this and know me then you one of the 10% of our nation who are doing a lot more mitzvout then the other 90% (unfortunately :-( )

But then again, being that we're part of such a small percent we carry more responsibility for our actions.

Hm..... well then. I think I've made my point pretty clear, but I'll restate it just in case.

We're on a stage. That stage is called life. During this life we encounter many people as well build ourselves and try to reach our potential. Many times, most of the times, we encounter people who are quit different from ourselves, and we therefore tend to look down on them for it. (and often, they are very similar to ourselves and we may still look down on them for it.) I think that it's a very important practice to try and look at everything positively. I know that it's hard, but it's necessary. Not only will it help to develop ourselves into better and happier ovedei HaShems, but it will help us to stop speaking lashon hara, and encourage seeing a situation in dam lecaf zechus.

May we all be zochei to have strength to realize what our hishtadlus is in every situation and the courage to fulfill it and see it through to the end. Kol Hakavod to all of you.

YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB. REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE SPECIAL AND PART OF THE 10% OF OUR NATION THAT IS SHOMER. ALL THE POWER TO YOU AND MAY YOU ONLY BE SHOWERED WITH DEW.

Go You Go

I want to wish everyone an easy fast. For most of you it's almost over though.
I wanted to take this opertunity to remind us that everything that happens to in world is a message to all of us. We should take this time look within ourselves and be honest. We need to see if there's anything that we can change about ourselves that will improve us and klall yisroel. I want to wish each and everyone of us the energy and motivation to continue to work on ourselves and be the best we can be

Wheeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO, i don't know where all of my viewers went? I feel left out. Where did everyone go? It's the summer, isn't everyone sitting in front of the computer all day? ;-P
Unfortunately, i am, though it's to type up papers and essays.
B"H i just finished half of my 10 page psych report and i feel good. I"m gonna go attack the later half, which of course might be harder then the first.
Otherwise, i wanted to wish a big mazal tov to EVERYONE. those who have just finished school, gotten engaged, had kids, gotten married, graduated, or have any other reason to be happy!
I hope to speak with some of you soon.

(P.S Leah, I'm really sorry that i never called you back.)

SLEEPPP!!!

The past two nights i have not been able to fall asleep, it's really annoying and i don't know what to do about it. I'm about to try to fall asleep again.
I've been sleeping, but i don't feel rested when i wake up.And then during the day i feel really tired. B"H i'll be able to sleep properly tonight. Sweet dreams everyone
My mother used to tell me to "dream of fields and butterflies" so i put up this picture

.

He's watching

Hashem is always watching. For the good and for the bad. He loves you, make Him proud

Walk with a Smile

B'h I"m busy, with good things. It happens often, therefore, that I'm constantly thinking about this or that. Weather it's and essay that I'm working on, a phone call I need to make, or the list of homework that i want to accomplish before i head to work, I'm always deep in thought and concentrating on the inner more then the outer. Therefore, it happens that when I'm transporting from one location to the next, I wont pay proper attention to the people around me or what kind of expression I'm carying on my face.
I know that I've completely missed people's presence, consequently, or just ignored them without saying hello. B'h, this was brought to my attention on Sunday. I've, since then, tried to walk in the street with a smile, or at least smile to those that i see.
I know that there is an inyan of this in the gerama or Torah. I just wanted to remind everyone, as well as myself, that when we're walking down the street we should always great the people we know, weather it's to stop and have a conversation with them or to tell them that you're in a rush and just wanted to say, though you're sorry you don't have time to talk.
I think it's very important. A lot of people can be hurt by abrupt hellos or non at all.
I've been privileged to realize/ be reminded of this. Kol Tov